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avatar LazyLion65 1 year.ago

Yo mama so fat, she uses an intercontinental ballistic missile to masturbate.

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In this curated list, we’ve compiled the best dad-approved one-liners, groan-worthy puns, and cheeky quips guaranteed to deliver belly laughs. Share these crowd-pleasing jokes at work, family dinners, or parties—no prescription needed!

funny dad jokes

funny dad jokes
1. What do you call alimony in Alabama?

**Child support.**

2. My wife asked me to take the spider out instead of killing it.

We went out, had a few drinks. Nice guy. He's a web developer.

3. Why are camels called ships of the desert?

Because they take you a boat as far in the desert as you can sea.

4. I bought pancake mix, and prepared it according to instructions…

it turned out so bad, I had to file a complaint with the Batter Business Bureau.

5. I've been reading a mystery novel about the murder of a Japanese noodle magnate.

It's a real udon it.

6. So this guy is working in the produce department at the grocery store

A lady walks up and she says “excuse me.” He says “yes”. She asks “where’s the broccoli? I can’t find the broccoli.” He says “oh, I’m really sorry ma’am, we ran out of broccoli. We will have some tomorrow morning.” He goes back to work and is stacking the oranges and hears behind him “Mr., Mr.” He turns around and it’s the same lady. “Where’s the broccoli at. You got any broccoli?” He says, “No ma’am, we’re fresh out of broccoli. We’ll have some tomorrow morning.” He goes back to work, and a couple minutes later this woman walks right up in his face and says “How come I can’t find any broccoli?” He says “lady, do me a favor, will you?” She says “what?” He says “indulge me. How do you spell cat, like in catastrophic?” She says “C.A.T.” “How do you spell dog, like in dogmatic?” “D.O.G.” “How do you spell fuck, like in broccoli?” She says “there is no fuck in broccoli.” He says “that’s what I’m trying to tell you lady!”

7. Eating Your Spinach

Why did Olive Oyl tell Popeye not to eat any spinach before bed? Because he kept singing... I'm quick to the finish, when I eats my spinach

8. My boss asked me why I only get sick on workdays.

I said, "It’s my weekend immune system."

9. Yo Mama so fat, when she went on a diet, she made Nikocado Avocado jealous.

10. Ol' McGoogle had a farm

A. I., A. I., oh?!

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